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A Prayer for Inner Healing

"I have surely heard Ephraim's moaning: 'You disciplined me like an unruly calf, and I have been disciplined. Restore me, and I will return, because you are the LORD my God.'"
Jeremiah 31:18

Lord, I don’t want to feel this way any more. I thought if my pain touched their lives I’d feel better. I didn’t. I thought by holding it over their heads I’d feel better. I didn’t. I thought that by telling everyone what they’d done to me I’d feel better. I didn’t; it only cost me friends and kept the pain alive longer. I thought if only they’d acknowledge how wrong they’ve been (and how right I’ve been), I’d feel better. They didn’t, so I felt worse. I thought if only I could understand why I picked such people I’d feel better, so I read books and talked with counselors. But that didn’t work, because then I discovered other things I didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with. I thought time would make me feel better. It helped, but it didn’t heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought by moving somewhere else I’d feel better. I didn’t, I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside me. Finally I did two things that worked; not overnight, but gradually, patiently, consistently as I kept doing them, they worked. First, I decided to forgive - and keep on forgiving - until the past lost its hold on me. Second, I cried out to God, “turn Thou me, and I shall be turned” (Jeremiah 31:18). He heard my cry! My perceptions began to clear and my emotions began to heal. Why? Because at last, getting well meant more, much more to me than staying sick.